Have a kid they said, it will be great they said. Little morsels of goodness, so fresh and innocent, but not always. Most times when someone signs up for reality television, it is understood their family signs on as well. That includes rogue husbands, sometimes sketchy siblings, and most definitely “the children.”
Over the years we have watched various Real Housewives grimace at the words that come from the mouths of their babes. Fortunately for us, a lot of very funny moments have been courtesy of not the stars, but their children. Let’s fondly revisit some of the best quotes from the real stars of these shows– the kids.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills / Jagger Kemsley
Remember Season 8 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? The calm before the shit storm that sent this show on a steep downward spiral. It was a beautiful time. Before anyone was accused of leaking stories to Radar, stealing from orphans and widows, or hiring racist bots to taunt children of co-stars. Dorit Kemsley’s son Jagger Kemsley briefly held the title of Smartest Person on Bravo. To be fair, little dude could very well still be the smartest person on Bravo. Picture it, Beverly Hills, 2017. A beautiful dinner and little Jaggy sits on the lap of Lisa Vanderpump as people gathered to celebrate Dorit’s birthday. Dorit lovingly looks at her son and asks if he remembers her friends. Jaggy, who was 7 at the time, looks at Erika Chahoy Jayne Girardi and says, “Bad guy!” A visibly shocked Dorit replies, “Who’s the bad guy? Erika’s the bad guy?” Back to Jagger who insistently told Erika: “You the bad guy!” We should have listened to this kid.
Real Housewives of Atlanta / Ayden Nida
Not much makes me cry because I am an emotional black hole and completely jaded. But man, when Real Housewives of Atlanta alum Phaedra Parks took her son for his first day of school, I sobbed like my team lost the World Cup. Little Ayden Nida, headed off for his first day of Kindergarten back in Season 8, was a moment few can forget. During the car ride, he told Phaedra he was nervous because she wasn’t going to be around while he’s at school. You see Phaedra starting to get choked up. She begins to share disbelief that he is growing up to be a big boy when Ayden says, “I’m still gonna be your baby…” Shit I can’t even type this without tearing up. Forget it, done with this particular entry – hand me a tissue.
Real Housewives of New Jersey / Lauren Manzo
We are not limiting this handy dandy list to children only. The older kids have some gems that cannot go unnoticed. Exhibit A: former Real Housewives of New Jersey star Caroline Manzo’s daughter Lauren Manzo Scalia. Look, no one has ever accused Teresa Giudice of being a member of MENSA. She has a general grasp of the English language and makes some extremely questionable decisions in her personal life. So to question how Teresa managed to churn out 4 books when she can barely write a comprehensive shopping list is fair. During the Season 4 reunion, Lauren checked Teresa and to this day, it remains the reason I like Lauren Manzo. Teresa allegedly hired a ghostwriter for her Bravo blogs, according to Lauren. One of the missives included the word “napalm,” so she asks Teresa to spell it and explain what it means. Lauren said, “Spell Napalm.” Tre sat there looking like she was trying to figure out a difficult math problem in her head and was basically speechless. One of the best moments in RHONJ history. Thanks Lauren!
Real Housewives of New Jersey / Milania Giudice
I mean, if you’re writing an article about best quotes from a Housewives kid and you don’t give at LEAST two spots to Milania Giudice, who the hell are you? Teresa’s daughter is a legend, an icon, a force to be reckoned with. 2011 was a time when Milania was a child who had a mouth that was permanently locked and loaded. We’re shown everyone planning for a big New Year’s Eve celebration. Teresa is in glam, and then-husband Joe Giudice is shoving pizza in his mouth at an alarming rate. Instead of showing concern for her father’s diet and cholesterol levels, Milania screeches, “Gimme pizza, you old troll.” Production then cuts to Teresa lamenting over the superior manners of her children.
That brings us to the final and most outstanding moment on our list. Naturally Milania owns this as well. Season 4, Episode 2 of RHONJ. Juicy Joe and Kathy Wakile’s husband Rich Wakile got into a fight when Joe made a remark about Rich’s height. Judging from Joe’s black eye and bleeding nose, he lost. Poor Joe must now watch while Teresa achieves all of her success with his one working eyeball. Tre brings home the bacon, so Joe has to fry it up in a pan. Fortunately, Milania is there to assist. As he tends to the evening meal, she yells, “You’re not a cooker, you’re a hooker!” The sheer poetry of it all! Props to Milania for not saying, “you’re not a cooker, you’re a prostitution whore!”
Milania Giudice – you are, and forever will be, the moment.
TELL US- WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE FROM A HOUSEWIVES KID? WHAT WOULD YOU ADD TO THIS LIST? WHO IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVORITE CHILD OF A REAL HOUSEWIFE?
[Photo by Bobby Bank/Getty Images]