Fans of Vanderpump Rules are no stranger to manic outbursts and despicable situations. Some sects of society will binge-watch the early seasons of VPR to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner with their unsavory relatives. While the majority of breakdowns occur within a three-mile radius, sometimes the crew takes their show on the road so they can fight with better views.
While vacations are taken to enjoy carefree days devoid of tension and schedules, the cast of Pump Rules pack their anger in a lightweight carry-on bag. The last time I screamed at someone in Mexico was never, but we can’t say the same for the stars of this show. Let’s review some of the past trips that did not wind up in Miss Manner’s Book of Elegance and left any evidence of decorum on the cutting room floor.
Tom Schwartz And His Beer Shampoo
Tom Schwartz, we see you. Always with a boyish smile and carefully tousled hair. While he blacks out from drinking and cheats on his wife. I have a feeling he doesn’t look so great in the daylight. In Season 2 the gang traveled to Mexico and Tom pulled his one-party trick. Listen, Tom doesn’t have a face like a thumb. He’s aloof when necessary. He might have even turned out well if not for this show. But Tom never rode for Katie Maloney. Not during their courtship or their marriage. Whilst engaged in a very loud argument over Scheana Shay, Tequila Katie sobbed and begged Schwartz to take her side in a dispute. He proceeds to call her a bully and other profane names, then he evacuated his beer on her head. In public. Katie might have had some fairly offensive orange hair going on, but she absolutely did not deserve this treatment. Sometimes we’re blind to the red things waving in our faces. But Katie’s eyes are wide open now.
Miami Meltdown
When Scheana got married for the first time, she and her ex-husband Michael Shay had a joint party in Miami. All kinds of fun games were planned, and Scheana smiled a lot because she felt like the main character. Little did she know, the head storyline was not her future nuptials and it never was. An angry Kristen Doute came along, much to the chagrin of Ariana Madix and Tom Sandoval.
As Kristen sulked and silently plotted Ariana’s demise, Sandoval was sick of her theatrics and called a brief meeting. Tom and Kristen smoked their 100’s and cried without the benefit of tissues to hopefully smooth things over and at least co-exist. But that was not the case. As soon as Tom’s face became red and splotchy from crying, Kristen smiled and said, “This is all I ever wanted…” Maybe Kristen can make him cry again real soon.
That Time Jax Lied In Hawaii
No not that time with the sunglasses, the other time with Lala Kent. Jax and Hawaii do not mix because Hawaii clearly hates Jax. Nothing good ever happens to this man when he leaves the mainland. In Season 4, the SUR cast took a trip to celebrate some birthdays, which never goes well. Lala had some previous flirt sessions with Jax because that was the basic initiation for a new cast member of this show.
What Lala didn’t know was Brittany Cartwright existed. She was kept on the back burner in case Jax could hook up before she got into town. Brit Brit got on the plane to paradise but her journey with Jax had just begun. The female cast was not appreciative of Lala’s hot bod and even less so when she de-clothed herself. Jealousy flowed but so did the lies when Jax denied his previous history of heavy teasing with Lala. It was maddening to watch and definitely a reminder that until recently, Jax made everyone else’s poor actions pale in comparison to his.
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That Time Jax Lied In Mexico
These guys really love some Mexico. Probably because they have been prohibited from traveling with a camera crew outside of the contiguous United States. Jax really was the lead instigator of this show. If he and Kristen would team up and use their powers for good and not evil, it would be like the Bravo version of the Avengers. But no, Jax is a big liar and Kristen has things she needs to deal with so let’s move on. During the Season 6 Mexico trip, former lovers Kristen and James seemed kind of civil until Jax entered the chat.
This guy got on the rumor treadmill and ran his little legs off over some rearranged pillows. Jax was convinced by his crystals and the Holy Ghost that despite any evidence at all, the pillows were telling tales of sexual trysts between James and Kristen. No other actual smoking gun other than the three thoughts in Jax’s head. He pushed it until Kristen lost her composure and even said James copped to the pool sesh. But that was just Jax’s misunderstanding of a British accent.
The Battered Wife
It’s probably the most famous scene in VPR history. But hang in there because it might be usurped by something happening at the Season 10 reunion. The writing on the wall for Katie and Schwartz was plain to read before they got married. It was never more evident than their mutual bachelor/bachelorette trip to New Orleans. I doubt anyone on this trip has any recollection and must consult reruns of their own show to place certain events. It was a lot of fighting, a lot of drag, and the battered wife syndrome.
Schwartz was moping because Katie had the audacity to expect him to walk upright and have better people skills than a tadpole. And not be unfaithful. After a night of partying Katie and her ladies confronted Schwartz. Sandoval, dressed in drag, intervened on Schwartz’s behalf. For dramatic effect, he kicked a bathroom door as Schwartz sat in his cocoon of despair on the toilet. Although nobody “won” the debate, the incident will live on in the annals of reality television until the end of time.
Please feel free to share some of the memorable moments you recall from Vanderpump Rules cast trips of yesteryear!
TELL US- DO YOU ENJOY THE CAST TRIPS? DO YOU WISH THERE WAS LESS FIGHTING? DO YOU THINK THE CONSTANT ARGUING MAKES THE TRIPS BETTER OR WORSE?
[Photo Credit: Tommy Garcia/Bravo]