Welcome back to Vanderpump Rules. We left off with Tom Schwartz crying about The Notebook plotline and the shreds of his relationship with Katie Maloney. This week, he’s entertaining the idea of hooking up with Raquel Leviss. After Katie specifically asked him not to! But first, we’re greeted with a whipped cream and coffee scene between James Kennedy and Ally Lewber. So glad we’re all here for this.
Business 101
Katie Maloney shares her lifelong dream to own a restaurant in a confessional, and I just can’t believe she’s doing this with Ariana Madix of all people. She spent the last several years watching her husband open two bars. Now she’s going into business with the Witches of WeHo villainess? What has become of these people’s lives?
Katie and Ariana are looking at properties to open their restaurant together. Other than this bland plot, I have no idea what Ariana is doing this season, which is fine.
Meanwhile, Schwartz and Tom Sandoval are struggling to hire anyone who can stay sober enough to work for them. There’s a weird scene where some tourists stumble into their closed restaurant. And later we watch Sandoval play music with the bandmates he’s paying to spend time with him. I feel like this may be his and Ariana’s last season.
Podcast Drama
We cut to a scene of Bubba art strewn across Tom Schwartz’s ho-hum apartment. It’s depressing. His words.
Scheana Shay stops over with a giant hot pink microphone to record her podcast. She’s poached Schwartz for some top-tier content. Reality TV seems to have evolved from Twitter drama to podcast drama. Scheana asks Tom to play f-ck, marry, kill with Lala Kent, Lisa Vanderpump, and Raquel as his options. He refuses to answer but does give tea on his divorce.
As we all know by now, Tom admits that Katie was the one who initiated the divorce. He claims that the rumors of him hooking up with Raquel at Coachella are not true, but that he would consider a tryst with the young waitress. Scheana’s intrigued. She has her mark.
Nobody Puts Raquel In The Corner
Raquel, Katie, and Lala head out for drinks. Katie reveals she’s upset that Tom did Scheana’s podcast and that Scheana seems to be pushing him into a situationship with Raquel. Raquel bosses up and tells Katie she does like Schwartz, but she “would never date him seriously.” Assuring AF.
Lala cuts in to say “bodies will be laying everywhere” if Raquel hooks up with Katie’s ex-husband. Raquel sticks to the topic and repeats she won’t have a relationship with Tom. Who’s the S-word now?!
After losing her footing, Lala decides to let Raquel know she once hooked up with James while they were together. Do as she says, not as she does. THE AUDACITY of this woman to be telling what Raquel to do with her single-hood.
RELATED: Vanderpump Rules Star Lala Kent Gives Update On Her Friendship With Katie Maloney
Puppygate 2.0
LVP is doing her rounds at SUR. She has a brief check in with chronically single Peter Madrigal before she fully clocks in for the day. She’s here to produce mentor the youth after all.
Raquel strolls in late to work because her doodle had an entire puncture wound to the throat she hadn’t noticed. Lisa takes pity on her starlet, and dredges up the breakup with James. No wonder things are so tough for her right now. Raquel begins to weep, and Lisa brings her in for a snuggle before sending her off to clean glassware. Chop chop, babe.
Later, James and Ally enter to pick up James’ C.U.N.T check from the bar. Lisa casually mentions that the dog James once shared with Raquel has been punctured. James is overcome with emotion and simply has to pull Raquel aside and sob to her about updating their co-parenting agreement.
James and Raquel agree to meet at a park for James’ visitation. He’s elated the dog remembers him. Very impressive! Raquel brings up James’ cheating with Lala years ago, and he short circuits. He starts rambling about Peter, and immediately the dog is hiding under the bench trying to avoid all this mess. Always look to the reality TV dogs. They can’t be bought.
The Gang’s All Here
Everyone gets together for Tom Sandoval’s band-for-hire show. Subtly, this is the culmination of all Scheana’s hard work. After relentlessly dropping Schwartz’s name during her hot girl walk with Raquel earlier, Scheana decides it’s a good idea to organize a double-date of sorts. She invites Raquel over for a drink at Tom’s house before the show. He and Raquel discuss their love of getting laid (I’m so serious) and of course, Katie.
Scheana is adamant that Katie said some bullsh*t in Vegas about “embracing” things if Tom and Raquel were to ever hook up one day. I am loving this free pass, but I think we all know we all know Tequilla Katie can’t be held liable. Once everyone is together at the show, Katie is very clear that she does not want Raquel and Tom so much as blinking at each other. She berates Scheana in front of everyone, and Raquel remains completely unbothered.
Katie commiserates with James because of how this is all happening, and the friendship lines are being re-drawn before our eyes. James mentions he had it out with Brock Davies already.
TO BE CONTINUED…
TELL US – DO YOU THINK TOM AND ARIANA ARE ON THEIR LAST SEASON OF VPR? ARE YOU TEAM SCHEANA RAQUEL AND TOM OR TEAM KATIE JAMES AND LALA?
[Photo Credit: Tommy Garcia/Bravo]