Jackie Goldschneider broke down over her fear of relapsing into her eating disorder on Tuesday night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”
“I’m so scared of food and I’m so scared of gaining weight but I’m hungry all the time,” the reality star, 45, told husband Evan Goldschneider over a meal, her eyes welling up with tears.
“I’m afraid that I’m going to relapse and kill myself,” she added. “I just don’t want to do this anymore.”
Jackie’s emotional confession came after Evan, 47, told his wife that their four kids — twins Jonas and Adin, 13, and twins Alexis and Hudson, 11 — have picked up on their mother’s relationship with food.
“Within the last year, they’ve mentioned it several times,” the financier explained to Jackie. “They said, ‘Why is Mom eating the same dinner every night?’ I said, ‘Just let her be.’”
The Bravolebrity — who described her diet as “so ritualized” and full of salads — said that it upsets her to know that the couple’s children are aware of her eating habits.
“It’s one thing if I do it to myself, but it’s another thing if I make my kids think that it’s normal behavior,” said the former attorney, who has spoken candidly about her eating disorder recovery on previous seasons of “RHONJ.”
In a confessional, Evan revealed that he has “been concerned” about Jackie for quite some time.
“I noticed early on that she comes up with excuses not to order food. She kind of quietly writes in her book, ‘This is what I ate today.’ And she was always defensive,” he elaborated.
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“I remember her saying, ‘How dare you criticize me for how I’m eating?’ I didn’t want to be judging her but I’m so happy she’s finally opening up and letting me in.”
Back at the table, Jackie told Evan that she wanted to speak to a therapist about her issues with food as she didn’t feel “OK.”
“I think I need a therapist. I’m ready,” she said, to which Evan promised, “I’ll help you every step of the way. I’m your partner. If you hurt, I hurt.”
“The Real Housewives of New Jersey” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on Bravo.