Psychics have a long and storied history on Bravo. They puff on e-cigs while fueling dinner parties from hell. They stir the pot in elephant rooms. And they’ve even been known to kickstart the uncovering of a cancer scam. Psychics do the Lord’s work on Bravo. And usually it’s pretty easy to go along with them. Especially when, like in the case of the fake cancer, they happen to be correct. But this particular episode of Summer House is requiring a suspension of disbelief heretofore not required in the Bravoverse.
I mean, what happened this week was a little different. The said psychic was completely off-camera, providing a storyline for the house free of charge. We don’t know their identity. Just that they apparently operate through Instagram. It’s not as simple or straightforward as, “He will never emotionally fulfill you, ever. Know that.” It was a lot to take in and I’m not sure how much I’m buying it. But I’m, as always, getting ahead of myself.
Before all the big drama, let’s get a few things out of the way. Carl Radke‘s back, but he’s stuck self-isolating in his room with nothing but self-care and the internet while he awaits his COVID test results. Danielle Olivera is still contemplating a relationship with her hot chef. Amanda Batula‘s ready to go off birth control. Kyle Cooke is decidedly not ready for that. He’s also still deep in a fight with Hannah Berner. And Ciara Miller is still having none of Luke Gulbranson. No, she d0esn’t want to watch a movie in your room late at night, sir. Those are all the minor details you need to know. OK? OK.
After a full day of stewing, Kyle‘s finally ready to talk things out with Hannah. Privately, this time. Without any of the roommates inserting themselves into the conversation. (Instead, they’re all just eavesdropping from different parts of the balcony.) At first, the talk seems to be going well. Both Kyle and Hannah are calm, but hurt. And they’re expressing their feelings while avoiding low blows. Kyle seems really torn up; he just doesn’t have falling outs like this with his friends. However, Hannah shoots down that idea all together. According to her, they’re not friends. Which, ouch. I guess she just thinks of this person she’s spending an entire summer with in a house as merely Amanda‘s fiancé?
Things finally boil over once Hannah accuses Kyle of treating her like her dad. Now, he may have a daddy mustache, but Kyle M. Cooke is certainly not anyone’s dad. And when he uses the same “d-word” to push back on Hannah’s analogy, something gets set off in her. She storms away from the attempt at making up screaming that Kyle should never talk about her family again. She’s in a rage. And I’m confused. It just simply doesn’t make sense. Yes, any mention of family can easily be a hair trigger for anyone. But she’s the one who compared Kyle to her dad, and he didn’t say anything remotely offensive about it. Unless Hannah was just looking for any reason to stay mad and accuse Kyle once again being wrong.
Eventually, Hannah has to come down from her temper tantrum and realize she’s the one who’s in the wrong. But not before crying to Paige DeSorbo and Ciara about it. (Cue the long-awaited “little blonde leprechaun” jab from the trailer.) Meanwhile, poor Kyle‘s left completely dumbfounded at how this feud once again turned left so suddenly. Coming back with her tail between her legs, Hannah calls a house meeting. Even Carl‘s FaceTiming in from quarantine. She finally decides to offer a house-wide apology for all the problems she’s caused so far this year. And really, when you think about it, there are a lot of them.
Then, Hannah turns her attention to Kyle. The compliments and tears well up from somewhere inside her. And she’s laying it on thick. She doesn’t hate Kyle. They are friends. Kyle’s the man, OK? All of the other roommates can’t stand the melodrama of it all. No one’s buying what Hannah’s selling. Except Luke. Whose response via confessional is, “Damn, that’s pretty cool.” READ THE ROOM, LUKE. But the most important thing is that everyone’s made up and friends again. Hooray? The better news? Carl tested negative and can finally come out of quarantine! Group hug!
What better way to reset than an afternoon at the beach. The crew once again heads to a completely desolate beach where they can film in total isolation. However, after a Zoom session with her therapist, Lindsay Hubbard is on a mission. To break up with her boyfriend. Away from the group, Lindsay calls Stephen Traversie on the beach. She’s perfectly framed by the sun glinting off the waves. She’s wearing a fancy hat. It looks like something out of a Nancy Meyers movie. Or Big Little Lies. Ever Lindsay, the conversation is short, perfunctory and all business. And just like that, Lindsay’s healthiest, most successful shot at love is over. She’s officially single!
She relays the news to the roommates in typical Lindsay fashion. (Again, short, perfunctory and all business. Are we even a little bit surprised?) And then something weird happens. As night falls on the beach, Lindsay starts latching onto…Luke. The pair are visibly flirting and getting touchy-feely as everyone looks on in disbelief. She’s doing the classic damsel in distress thing when the fire gets too close. She leans on his knee for support. It’s all very weird vibes. But according to several roommates’ confessionals, something’s always been, ahem, different about Luke and Lindsay’s relationship.
As someone who’s religiously watched every season of LeprechaunGulbranson, this is news to me. I’ve never noticed any chemistry between Luke and Lindsay. And frankly, didn’t even think of them as all that close within the general dynamic of the group. But the editors’ compilation of the pair’s interactions over the past two seasons does make a pretty compelling case. On the beach, the girls are all willing to bet Luke and Lindsay will sleep together by the end of the summer, too. Now that that idea’s planted, something tells me it’s definitely not going to take the rest of the summer to bear strange, dramatic fruit.
Actually, it takes less than 24 hours. And it’s all courtesy of Hannah and Paige‘s psychic. Yes, the off-camera psychic. Whom they met via Instagram. It’s all very millennial-chic. Hannah claims she this unnamed medium reached out completely on their own. Without having been asked any questions or given any prior information. And the psychic says Luke and Lindsay have already slept together. Naturally, Paige and Hannah fall all over themselves and immediately need to know if it’s true. Within hours, they bring Amanda in on the rumor. And just as the news is on the precipice of snowballing into a new storyline, the episode ends! Guess we’ll have to wait until next week to watch it explode.
TELL US – DO YOU THINK HANNAH’S APOLOGY TO KYLE WAS GENUINE? SHOULD LINDSAY HAVE BROKEN UP WITH STRAVY? DO YOU BELIEVE THE PSYCHIC’S ALLEGATION ABOUT LUKE AND LINDSAY?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]